TENDER

Back in January, I introduced the Star Words, but we had an ice storm, which canceled in-person worship for Epiphany Sunday. I still had participated in an online version of Star Words and received my word for the year, which at first I thought was a particularly uninspiring word: tender. 

It is a good thing that God is God and knows more than I, because this word has been my guiding star in more ways than I could imagine. 

I wanted a Star Word that would inspire me to be creative or give me the energy to be more outgoing. I wanted a word that would advertise something about me. What I got was a reminder to be gentle with myself and to engage in small acts of caring. I wanted a big, sparkling word; I received a micro-focused word. 

I taped my word up on the outside of my office door because whenever I have the door open, I can see my word. I have added other things to my door - more stars and other cut-out shapes, our Lenten theme "Full to the Brim", advertisements for One Great Hour of Sharing, artwork from the kids in the after school program, little things I have painted. Every time I changed what was on my door, that construction paper orange star remained - lodestone and guide. 

What does it mean to be tender or to tend? I started with an inner focus. I can be hard on myself, I can become immobilized by expectations, and emotionally punish myself for being immobilized. The result is the works, the expectations, are not completed. So, when viewed through the tender lens, I must tend to my bruised and aching psyche, slowly unbind myself from that which is holding me captive, and let a few expectations go. I discovered I needed to heal. 

When skin is healing, it is tender - easily scratched open again. Scratching at a tender scab leaves it vulnerable to anything from infection to scarring. As a nurse applies antibiotic meds to a scratch, I had to apply grace and forgiveness to these tender areas of my self-worth, my emotional satisfaction. I had to tenderly tend to that which was tender within me. 

We have experienced collective trauma for a long time now, and as we attempt to unravel that trauma, we discover the infection is deeper than we could have imagined. We are re-wounded so easily, and we do not even realize how quickly we would others, I would like to believe unintentionally. 

We are all tender. We all need tending. Because of this, we cannot first expect another person to tend to our wounds so we can reciprocate. We must be tender with one another first. Yes, we can call attention to lies and false stories. In fact, calling out those things is like washing a gravel-filled wound - painful, but part of caring for these tender areas. However, we should also be that salve that brings grace and healing to our tender selves.

I love my star word. I am so glad God bestowed it upon me.
~Rev. Andrea Holroyd